just come out here and I will go home with you...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
