on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
