No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
