Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
