I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
