Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
