so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
