you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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