Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
