I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
