I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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