she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
