Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
