im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
