I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize