I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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