He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
