Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
