So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize