did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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