As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
