I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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