i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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