How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
