we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
