You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Randomize
