It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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