So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
