No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I woke up under a house in Key West
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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