alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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