I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
