your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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