On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
