That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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