you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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