oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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