Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
