How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
