She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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