My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
nutella sex= disaster
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
