the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
