I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
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antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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