OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We have started to decorate penises.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
