I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize