Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
