Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize