There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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