Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
