i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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