im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
