Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
