I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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