This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
