THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
we're so committed to being not committed
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
