just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize