first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
