I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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