Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
