Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
