I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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