Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
